Desire discrepancy is common in relationships, but it doesn’t have to signal incompatibility. Differentiation - the ability to maintain a strong sense of self while staying emotionally connected to your partner - is the key, and something that you can achieve through therapy.

Too often I hear from couples complaints about their partner being too sex-obsessed, or, on the other end of the spectrum, “frigid” (which by the way is kinda insulting, and won’t get you any relationship points. Just sayin’…).

Instead of seeing low or high desire as a problem to be “fixed,” consider it an opportunity for personal and relational growth. Desire often wanes when partners rely on each other for validation (for current clients, think about our exploration of your attachment style) rather than cultivating their own erotic autonomy. Self-reflection - asking “What does this situation reveal about me?” - can lead to deeper self-awareness and intimacy.

Rather than pressuring for change, focus on tolerating differences (see blog on AVOIDANCE) and fostering emotional resilience. Authentic desire emerges when both partners can stand on their own while choosing to connect. Moving past resentment and blame, and embracing discomfort, can lead to a more passionate and fulfilling sex life.

Want more? Eager to explore? Get in touch with Alex Honeykats at Healthy Relationship Solutions.

Desire discrepancy

HRS acknowledge the Wiradjuri People who are, and always have been, the traditional custodians of the lands on which we work, live and play. We pay respect to those who came before us, the current community leaders and elders, and the emerging leaders of aboriginal community and culture.